The Twelve Days of (Christmas) the Mayan Apocalypse (2)

Since the world is ending in two weeks, I thought we should get started with our planning for what comes afterward. I’m not sure what will happen on December 21, so I’m going to offer up a number of scenarios to help you be prepared for whatever comes our way. Please join in and comment. It’s only fun if you play along. If you’d like to start at the beginning, click here.

 Day 2: Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Who’s the Tastiest of Them All?

The day after the governments of the world collapse, you find yourself in New York City. (Why you would be in such a godforsaken place I don’t know, but assume you’re there.) The news outlets, sans the dead political journalists, pounce on the alien virus story and won’t let up. Every man, woman, and child in the world knows the planet is rudderless.

What does every grocer and grocery truck delivery driver do? They pack up everything they can haul and take off into the night, headed somewhere secluded where they can wait out the carnage.

When the sun rises and people wake up to find the grocery stores empty, carnage ensues. Men bash each other viciously over the last remaining grocery items.

By 9:00 am you can’t find a can of soup or beans in the city. There are no animals to hunt in New York City, but there is a whole lot of protein walking around on two legs. You can’t walk twenty feet without bumping into a two day supply of food carrying a Gucci bag or a briefcase.

The question isn’t whether you’ll eat people or not, because eventually you’ll eat people or starve. The question becomes, which people will taste best?

Will you like fat people, skinny people, or people who workout?

Would you rather eat men or women?

Will people of different ethnicities taste differently?

What about you? Do you look like you’d be tasty? Would you have to learn to run fast and maybe not shower very much so people wouldn’t eat you?

You’ll need something to do in the post-civilized world, so order one of my books while Amazon’s servers are still up and UPS is still delivering! Your money won’t be worth anything on December 22nd, so spend it while you can.

If you’ve never read me try: The End of Marking Time, Sin & Vengeance, or Dinner At Deadman’s. Or get a signed book and help needy kids at www.22wb.com.

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25 Comments on “The Twelve Days of (Christmas) the Mayan Apocalypse (2)”

  1. You know what they say, you don’t have to run fast, you only have to run faster than the slowest person in your group…I think I’d last a while, because I would taste lousy, all stringy and skin and bones. Personally, I’d go for fat people, lots of protein there.

    • cjwestkills says:

      Run fast. Hide well. Finding a weapon wouldn’t hurt either.

      I’m wondering if people will agree that thicker people will taste better and give you more protein and energy.

      • Sue P says:

        I’m thinking heavy people would taste too fatty…you know how you always have to take the time to cut the excess fat off your pork chop or your steak, etc before cooking? So I think a weightlifter would be good …. well marbled muscle with very little fat…but not stringy like a marathon runner would be…..maybe I would open an outdoor restaurant at a muscle beach???

      • cjwestkills says:

        Too funny Sue!

        It’s interesting to think about people as food. Too fatty would probably be bad for you. Too thin wouldn’t taste very good. Someone athletic, but not too athletic would probably be best.

  2. lisa says:

    I guess if it is a matter of survival…I of course have my gun with me..I would not choose to hunt people but maybe use my gun to steal someone else’s kill. I couldn’t pull the trigger to end a life unless it was a matter of self defence. .so I would become a thief of food…this new life isn’t making me happy…I think I might keep one bullet for me…for when it gets too tough.

    • cjwestkills says:

      It’s pretty scary isn’t it! But I guess the end of the world isn’t going to be fun.

      • Lisa says:

        Maybe the only people that should survive are pygmies and aborigines the people who have less of the filth of this world on them. Only the innocent survive to start again and make it right this time. No Idea about technology , about pollution or anything that has helped ruin the earth .. just hunt for your food and live off the land like the American Indians did. Live in peace , start it all over and do it right!

      • cjwestkills says:

        The big problem with living off the land is that there are way too many people to do that now. It’s a great lifestyle (but very hard) too bad it is impossible (or nearly so) in America.

  3. 1wanderingtruthseeker says:

    I guess I should learn to run faster as I am a tad over weight!

  4. sue violette says:

    You are watching TOO much Walking Dead, CJ! 😉 I think athletic people would have more “good meat”, but I’m afraid they’d be too chewy…Fat…I trim ALL of my meat so I don’t think that would be a good match for me! I’ll go thin, not TOO buff. I think each ethnicity would taste a bit different…I’d try them all and decide from there! AND I’d be thankful I’ve been running again!!!!

    • cjwestkills says:

      Too funny Sue. I love the walking dead!

      Good thing you’ve been running.

      I think different ethnicities would taste differently because their diets would be different. Upon some good advice, I’d eat vegans when possible, because they would taste the best!

      I think younger people would taste good too.

      • sue violette says:

        HEEHEE!! Am I not right??? Yes to younger people, but they’d put up more of a fight potentially…I’ll cook if you find a yummy vegan…stew???

      • cjwestkills says:

        We’ll stake out the health food stores.

        You cook, I’ll worry about catching them. Getting the veges to add to the stew will be hard. Good thing I took that “Wild things I’ve known and eaten” course.

  5. I don’t like this question! Next?

  6. laraedo says:

    New york city FAST is a big mistake ! quiet and still would be the order of the day. For on this day the squeeky wheel becomes the blue plate special. cooking would be a mistake also, once a need arrizes to awaken long dormant hunter gatherer scensibilities visual, auditory and olfactory defensive statigies would be of paramount importance. I do agree with your young vegetarian theory, it does seem to make sence but how would one set out to find grazers in NYC? I would have to say a well defensible position with a zomby apockalipse kit on hand all you would need is a clearly lettered warning [keep out tresspassers will be shot] this would invite the necessary company over for dinner.

  7. danjotay92 says:

    Firstly – The Walking Dead is awesome , can’t believe we have to wait until Feb for it to come back.

    I don’t know if i’ll taste good but everyone is going to be wanting to eat me because i’m English so they’ll be after some foreign food HAHAHA

    As for me, if i had to do it for me and my kids to survive i would but i wouldn’t like it. I don’t like tough meat so i’d look for a nice young man (a woman eating a woman just makes me shiver LOL) in good shape with not to much fat on him. Although right now i’m thinking about making you top of my shopping list :op

    Theresa x

    • cjwestkills says:

      That’s funny. It’s interesting that you want to eat the opposite sex. I had the same thought. I’d want to eat women. Hmmm.

      I also love Chinese food, but I don’t think that would mean I’d like to eat Chinese people any more than anyone else.

      • danjotay92 says:

        Hehehe we’ll be chasing each other in circles LMAO

        Yeah i think i would stick to eating people from my own country and ethnicity … don’t really know why it just seems the most comfortable – if anything can be when you’re talking about eating people LOL

  8. Dawnna Hale says:

    I would have to find the person with ocd issues to eat because they would be extra clean, medium to lean build not fatty. Would they want to eat me? Hmm…. Well, I eat mostly organic foods, don’t do a lot of chemicals, so I would probably be a perfect catch, no drugs except benadryl, which means I couldn’t run fast…..Yikes! “Holy drumsticks Batman, let’s get out of here fast!!!!!!”

  9. ellie mack says:

    1. Don’t eat people that eat a lot of Mexican food as Mexican food makes them gassy and well , you don’t want to eat someone that tastes like fart.
    2. Don’t eat the people that work out a lot as they will be tough, stringy, and you may need their alliance for survival yourself. Think strategy for the longhaul here.
    3. Don’t eat the really fat people because they are mostly fat. If you can figure out how to process the fat for fuel say like whale blubber, then go for it otherwise there isn’t enough protien muscle tissue for a good meal. They won’t go far, so while you’re tracking down a good meal – an average person of average build – be thinking about how to utilize their fat stores. ( Hey, don’t hate me ok? I’ve got extra fat myself – not hating on fatties here – it’s humor)


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