The Twelve Days of (Christmas) the Mayan Apocalypse (5)

The world is ending soon. We don’t have much time. If you’re new to the Twelve Days of the Mayan Apocalypse, you might want to start here.

Day 5: Where’s Grandma?

On day four you learned to siphon gas by sucking on plastic tubing then letting gravity take over. You also learned that gasoline burns and it takes forever to get the taste out of your mouth. Especially when you can’t find a Twinkie anywhere!

But at least the Jeep is running. You are on Interstate 64 west almost to Kentucky. You can’t decide if you’d be better off down south where you can keep warm without fuel, or up north where the zombies will die off in the cold. So you keep going west.

When you get to St. Louis, you need to decide whether to take 55 south to Memphis, 44 southwest to Oklahoma, or 70 west to Kansas City. You could take 55 north to Chicago, but the place is completely overrun by zombies. No one goes there.

You try to use your cell phone and Verizon says the system can’t handle phone calls (probably ever again). You have time for one last text message.

Who do you send it to?

Grandma is pretty smart, but she couldn’t have outrun the zombies this long. Who can you text? What do you say? And where do you go from here?

You’ll need something to do in the post-civilized world, so order one of my books while Amazon’s servers are still up and UPS is still delivering! Your money won’t be worth anything on December 22nd, so spend it while you can.

If you’ve never read me try: The End of Marking Time, Sin & Vengeance, or Dinner At Deadman’s. Or get a signed book and help needy kids at


10 Comments on “The Twelve Days of (Christmas) the Mayan Apocalypse (5)”

  1. Kim Mullican says:

    I’d text a friend of my husband’s, he’s the sort of McGuyver meets Survivor Man. i’d get as much info as I could.

  2. Dawnna Hale says:

    I’d text my husband to remind him if anything happens, he’s to hire the best hairstylist to do my hair for the funeral service, you don’t want people saying, “She just doesn’t look like herself, she always wore bangs and although she doesn’t have many wrinkles, her forehead looks a little long with her hair all brushed back like that!”

  3. I would text Ty Pennigton, he knows how to find everything!

  4. ellie mack says:

    I would text survivor man! If anyone can survive this mess he can. One word of advice: If you decide to go south down I-55 from St. Louis be careful of what ‘weeds’ you eat. There are large areas of marijuana growing in rural areas. You want to stay alert so the zombies don’t get you. Also avoid the chicory, the mushrooms, and sumac. Yeah this is wehre survivor man would be helpful or at least a former scout. On the brightside, there are plenty of critters out here, you could find a meal or two if you’ve learned how to shoot by now.

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